If you had read my November 2020 blog post you would know that I had a huge creative block with a severe burnout. In case you missed reading that blog post, kindly Click here.
The reason for this dreadful burnout was that I pushed myself beyond my limits and capabilities, solely to quench the desire of my inner critic which was aggressively feeding on me. I did not pay any heed to it and suffered the consequences to such an extent that my mind and body behaved like a numbed zombie.
With strong determination, I decided to stop and pause which did not go well with my inner critic. Regardless of that I picked up a book and since mid-November till date, I have finished reading 6 books and now have my hands wrapped around the 7th.
I distinctively remember, on my 4th book, my inner critic poked its head up again. I was flooded by guilt. Guilt of not doing anything, guilt of wasting my time, guilt of not finishing tasks, guilt of not checking emails, guilt, guilt, and more guilt. To be honest, I was swayed by the assault but did not yield to those colourful guilts playing their part on my mind. I held strong, firm and resumed reading. I won a tiny battle which felt amazing. Something good did come out from this burnout.
In the end I can say two things from this insight, one – I have accepted my capabilities and limitations and two – I will not allow guilt to faze me again. Though I do not know how long this will last; it might pop its head up again but on a positive side, recollection of this experience and its repercussions will be a good forewarning.
It has been 3 years now since I last updated this blog.
Much has happened in 3 years like in everyone’s life. For me it has been a test of how-well-will-I-be-able-to-adapt-to-change. I choose 3 jars to represent that transformation (these are pastel and charcoal sketches).
Shifting from 3 different countries, adjusting to their diverse cultures and societies, trying to be part of communities, failing and succeeding, integrating and disintegrating, this has been an eternal battle for me. But a transformation, both inner and outer, was visible to me.
Involved in some deep introspection, through my art, meditation, journal writing, dream analysis and daydreaming, I am emptying the jar slowly but surely.
Go and peek at my portfolio section to see what I mean.
Thank you for reading this. 🙂
by allowing the weight of stress to leave your shoulders and body
everybody has a chapter they don’t read out loud
i am exhausted from trying to be stronger than i feel.
even if i was a bird, flying away it wouldn’t help. the problem is in my head, not in the place
she’s stuck between who she is, who she wants to be and who she should be.
stars can’t shine without darkness