Since the beginning of November, I feel my body has attached itself to a block. It is perched on my shoulders and travels with me whenever I go. However hard I try to shake it off, it refuses to change its shape or even leave me.
My head has been replaced by a huge creative block accompanied with immense fatigue and exhaustion. Even writing this blog is a difficult task for me (I made a commitment to myself to publish a blog every month and I intent to stick by it).
What brought this on? Mid October I had an idea for next year’s series, and I decided to act upon it without realizing that I have not yet healed completely from this year’s 2 series – Integrating, disintegrating only to integrate again. Repeat. And The third space. Though both these series have helped me understand my relationships with others and myself including, I feel extremely vulnerable. I needed the time to ‘Just Be with Myself’. But I did not listen to my heart and body, I lunged on painting. Bad idea.
Then came a time when, even if I wanted to do something meaningful, my body and mind refused to act in response to that. It refused to budge. So, keeping everything aside I grabbed a book – a gentle book and read on like I was obsessed. I finished 2 books in a span of 3 weeks (yes, there was guilt that I am not focusing on my art, but I did not let that overpower me). This healing period was necessary.
I have always said to myself, learn to relax. This time I experienced the importance of that phrase.
It has been 3 years now since I last updated this blog.
Much has happened in 3 years like in everyone’s life. For me it has been a test of how-well-will-I-be-able-to-adapt-to-change. I choose 3 jars to represent that transformation (these are pastel and charcoal sketches).
Shifting from 3 different countries, adjusting to their diverse cultures and societies, trying to be part of communities, failing and succeeding, integrating and disintegrating, this has been an eternal battle for me. But a transformation, both inner and outer, was visible to me.
Involved in some deep introspection, through my art, meditation, journal writing, dream analysis and daydreaming, I am emptying the jar slowly but surely.
Go and peek at my portfolio section to see what I mean.
Thank you for reading this. 🙂